One time, on an international bus ride, I was playing a question game with friends to pass the time. The question we had to answer was, “If you could be any person in the Bible, who would you choose?” When my friend answered Ruth, the reality of living Ruth’s life hit me like a ton of bricks.
There’s nothing wrong with telling entertaining stories or developing good conversational skills. But if we want to take our friendships deeper, we have to do away with conversational monologues. Friends want a two-way conversation with you; they don’t want to be talked at, but to. Are you any different? You want people to listen and try to understand you, right?
When I was a schoolgirl, I remember thinking, “If those people liked me I’d be popular, important, find a boyfriend, and fit in.” The combination of a social life at school and entertainment on the weekends taught me that friendships existed to meet my emotional needs or make me popular. I thought an ideal friend would always listen and never disagree because I dreaded conflict. She would share all of my likes and none of my dislikes because then we’d always love hanging out. She would always lift me up and never drain me because then I’d always go home happy.
My boys and I are cuddled on the couch with the book everyone says we have to read, The Giving Tree. Before I start, I make sure the book is completely centered because reading at their age is all about the pictures. “Okay guys! Everyone says this book is ah-ma-zing, so let’s take every- one’s word for it and read it today!”
My husband recently told me that one of my common phrases is, "I feel bad that..." I never noticed how bad I felt for everything...for so many things I didn't need to feel bad for...until he made me aware. I felt bad when my kids got in trouble, got their feelings hurt, weren't having enough fun, or when I felt like a "bad mom." At first I tried to justify my guilty feelings by telling myself that Clayton was an insensitive guy. But, after years of trying to explain to him why I felt guilty (and why he should too), I understood that I was worrying about things that weren't my responsibility. I was carrying other people's burdens in the name of compassion and love, but was actually motivated by guilt.
Honestly, I have a hard time saying no to my kids because I don't want to disappoint them. I don't like disappointing people in general. I hope you have a bigger backbone than I do! But, in case you don't, here are three reasons I was able to start saying no.
How many times have you heard the quip, "Women are complicated?" Whenever I hear it, I want to roll my eyes. Of course women are complicated. Do we have an option? Think about it: We're supposed to be strong and independent, but also tender and nurturing. We're wired to want a man, but we're supposed to be content if we're single. We want a healthy marriage, but one in four of us have experienced abuse by a man.
Something happened inside me when I gave birth to my kids. I became obsessed with keeping peace among them. I wanted to make them stop yelling, stop hitting, stop picking at each other, stop throwing things at one another, stop, stop, stop. But controversy and tension among them happened every day and nothing I did or said took it away.And then, on the radio one day, I heard this quote from Focus on the Family. "If your boys are fighting, they are bonding.
Stephen was the leader I want to be. Not because he was an eloquent spokesman or because he had a large following, but because he was willing to be humble and obedient to the greatest leader of all time, Jesus! If we want to lead, we must learn how to obey God, whether or not his plan abides by our agenda.
Sometimes hectic can't be helped, but many times the chaos is a sign that we need to take time to problem solve. Miscommunication in leadership not only has the propensity to create chaos in your organization, but can also steal your momentum and focus. If we want to lead well, we have to eliminate confusion by addressing assumptions. Here are three ways we can do this...
sit on the couch with my boys looking through photo books. In this digital age, it feels old school to them, so I have to embrace feeling outdated. I try to skip to the "good" or cute photos of myself, but somehow the awkward ones seem to be the stand-outs.
My ministry experience has shown me women are wired to make a difference, but we have to juggle a lot to make it happen. Our dreams don’t always pay, and doing them alone often feels impossible. We spend energy on our friends, husbands, children, or really, anyone else, and then we feel guilty finding someone to coach, invest, train, and support us.
Truly courageous leaders are brave enough to investigate their organization's weakness because they know a weakness in his or her organization may be a reflection of his or her leadership. Weak leaders avoid their people, while strong ones are willing to associate and serve them. The wise lead by example, but the foolish lead with their mouths.
I hope this blog has served as a cherry on top of whatever stressful situation you've encountered lately. I just wanted to give you a boost of hope and faith until we talk again! Please let me know if there's anyway I can pray for you!
Ever read something that changed your life forever? Bored in study hall one day, I had no idea what was about to happen to me. I picked up a book, turned a few pages, saw the truth within, and tears began to stream down my face as I saw words that would change me forever. As I let the truth of the words sink into my soul, they sank further and further.
Friends, I am ecstatic because Nandi Roszhart is my guest blogger this week. She taught me so much in a 25 minute conversation that I couldn't resist asking her to give us some advice on how love people unlike us. I hope her vulnerability challenges you as it did me!
Has someone you cared about hurt you on a regular basis? How do we love them? Or...should we even try to love people who don't love us back?
I was once in a situation where someone close to me provoked me on a daily basis. I wanted to love them freely, but they were controlling, manipulative and insulting. I survived by adopting sarcasm as a second language, avoiding one on one situations with that person, and putting up walls to make me feel as safe possible. To other people, I appeared strong and confident, but on the inside I felt lonely and misunderstood.