Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends?

I was sitting in the audience when Andy Stanley said, “The one thing successful relationships all have in common is the inclination to immediately believe the best about their friend or significant other in the midst of failure or miscommunication.” 

The minute these words escaped his mouth, I knew he’d revealed a weakness of mine. I’m not good at believing the best.  Help me Jesus!

Fear twitted around in my stomach as I sat in my cold Kindergarten desk looking around.  I started to warm up when I noticed my name taped to the corner of my desk.  It was screaming, “You belong here!” but it didn’t feel like home until I made my first friend.

It was easy and exciting to make friends in Kindergarten, but after a few years friendships became complicated.  “Best friends” came and went and I started to become disillusioned at the notion of friendship.  It’s not hard to become jaded when rejection knocks on your door.  Are you feeling me?  Well, you’re not alone.  I threw in the towel for awhile because I couldn’t stomach the drama.

“Count me out.  I’m better off alone, “ I thought.  But, then I found myself miserably isolated, resenting all “those people” who still had friends.  So I asked myself, “Why is it so hard for me to make friends?”  And the Holy Spirit answered, “No one is perfect Sharie, and neither are you.”

Deep breath.

I try not to hurt my friends, but I do.  When I realize what I’ve done, my first hope is for them to love, listen, forgive and give me the benefit of the doubt.  Don’t we all want to be understood and forgiven?  This is what it means to believe the best. 

Luke 6:31: "Do to others as you would have them do to you."

God is our only perfect friend.  With this in mind, we have to let go of the preposterous assumption that any person could love us as well as Jesus.  In friendship, moments of conflict and disappointment are inevitable.  So if we want friendships that last, we have to give each other space to fail and grace to grow.  We have to free each other from the shackles of perfect performance and believe the best!

Hold that Thought and Make it Real:

This week, each night, keep a record of situations in which you chose to believe the best with a friend or family member.  If you really want to change, do this for seven weeks and watch your thoughts and insecurities in your friendships mend.

Jesus, I can't do this by myself.  help me guard my heart and mind so I can once again believe that friendships are not only possible, they are preferable over independence. 

That was Sweet, what should I Tweet?

  • @sharieking99 "If we want friendships that last, we have to give each other space to fail and grace to grow."
  • @sharieking99 "We have to free each other from the shackles of perfect performance and believe the best!"
  • @sharieking99 "Successful relationships believe the best." by @Andy Stanley

© 2015 by Sharie King.  All rights reserved.