How many times have you heard the quip, "Women are complicated?" Whenever I hear it, I want to roll my eyes. Of course women are complicated. Do we have an option? Think about it: We're supposed to be strong and independent, but also tender and nurturing. We're wired to want a man, but we're supposed to be content if we're single. We want a healthy marriage, but one in four of us have experienced abuse by a man. We want to make a difference in this world (through our dreams or careers), but we also feel like our hands are full at home. We want to have kids, but it's not working. We have kids, but are afraid we're messing them up. We spend our days trying to balance our relationships with friends, family, our spouse, our children and their friends, but we still experience loneliness. This is obviously a lot to juggle, not to mention our most frustrating and inevitable complication, our menstrual friend who insists on visiting once a month.
As I consider this list, I'm positive that complicated isn't the correct word to describe us. Perhaps we should change the little quip to, "Women are MAGNIFICENT!" I'm serious ladies. You and I have been given some of the most challenging roles in life, and I've had the pleasure of watching some of you handle them with excellence.
The biggest challenge I've encountered is learning how to embrace intimacy with my husband and become nurturing to my children. Because I experienced quite a few marriages and divorces as a child (and two abusive step-fathers), I've always tended to protect myself against emotional vulnerability. My complicated life created a complicated Sharie. Being in control and relying on myself made me feel secure. But after I married, I learned I'd have to fight to be transparent if I wanted to genuinely connect with my husband. And motherhood soon taught me I'd tenderize my heart in order to bond with my boys.
Today, I overheard my boys talking about a couple of their friends. Their conversation sounded like this:
I didn't know they were brothers because they don't look a lot alike.
Well, we don't look a lot alike.
Yeah, but they don't seem like brothers because they don't ever fight or tease each other.
And...that's where I lost them. I am not a boy, so I don't expect to bond through brawling or teasing. However, one of my boys naturally assumed his friends weren't related because they didn't fight! Peace is my preferred bonding tool, while my boys like to antagonize each other now and then. I completely disinterested in football before my boys decided to play, and now I spend most of my fall Saturdays cheering for the Clemson tigers. This love of orange and purple didn't originate with me. But, part of nurturing my boys is learning to love what my boys love so they can adequately receive it. I've learned to be with them, doing what they love. I don't understand football as well as they do, but if football is what they want to talk about, I'm going to learn to like it.
What is your biggest "complication?"
I'm writing this blog to remind you that we don't have to be intimidated by our complication. "No, in all these things (in every complication) we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)
I pray these words would move you forward in your faith until next time, and please leave a comment or email me if you need prayer!
© 2017 by Sharie King. All rights reserved.