How Should a Guy Lead Me in a Relationship?
Thanks so much to my friend Jessica Willis for this photo. You should check out her work!
The most engaging Q&A panels I’ve been a part of are on relationships. So I thought we could bring some of the best questions to the blog. This week’s discussion is “How should a Guy Lead Me in a Relationship.
This question is difficult because I believe a man has a God-ordained responsibility to learn how to lead a woman, and I want to respect a guys’ need to learn how to do this. But it seems like many Christians incorrectly equate the word “leader” with the word “boss.” Ephesians 5:23 says, “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”
Christ is the head of the church. But Ephesians doesn’t describe him as our boss (although hopefully he is our Lord) but as our Savior. Christ led each of us to himself through an act of death, not dominance, and he challenges us to do so as well.
So, when Christian girls ask me specifically how a guy should lead, I say, “He should be dying to himself. If he is not dying, then he is not leading.”
Here is what I think leading looks like practically?
- He wants to listen to you and learn who you are.
- He is protective of your emotions, hopes and dreams.
- He does not monopolize your time, but shares you with your friends.
- He plans a date to get to know you, not a set-up to make-out
- He is protective of your sexual purity.
With this said, the most common mistake Christian girls make is giving a guy the title “leader” prematurely. Isaiah 54:5 says, “Your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth."
Truthfully, Jesus should always be your primary leader (even in marriage), but often Christian girls get themselves into trouble emotionally, physically and spiritually because they expect a single guy to lead like a man who's been dying to himself in marriage for 10 years.
Hold that Thought and Make it Real:
Even in my marriage, I am responsible for my walk with Jesus. When I fall, I don’t blame my husband for my failure. Instead, I recognize where I went wrong, repent, ask forgiveness, and then ask my husband for prayer and support.
In the same way, you are responsible for how you date. If you find yourself compromising, that’s on you not - the guy you’re dating. You’ve let him take the place of Jesus as your leader. Take responsibility, speak up, and correct the problem. Maybe you need to admit to yourself that this guy is not right for you?!
If he is not leading well, don’t let him lead you! Take the reigns back and give them to Jesus.
I'd like to know what you think it looks like practically for a guy to lead in a relationship. If you leave a comment below, you just might get a free copy of my latest book published by Lifeway, 40 Days of Purity for Girls!
That was Sweet, what should I Tweet?
- @sharieking99 If he is not leading well, don’t let him lead you! Take the reigns back and give them to Jesus.
- @sharieking99 Just because he’s the man in the relationship doesn’t mean he knows how to lead.
- @sharieking99 The most common mistake Christian girls make is giving a guy the title “leader” prematurely
