It's the year of my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary. Our entire family is getting together to celebrate their marriage and commitment to one another, but I am working at a summer camp in Georgia. I asked off, but they wouldn't give it to me and I gave in. 

I spend my day hanging out with a bunch of kids who I'd never see again and missed one of the proudest moments in my grandparents' lives. This has become one of my biggest regrets.

But, what is a testimony? Is it not the story of how we are broken and unworthy? Is it not the story of Jesus loving the unlovely. Isn’t my testimony a story of how Jesus showed a helpless, hopeless girl that he’d planned on redeeming and restoring her since before she was born? Isn’t my testimony a story of Jesus glorifying himself in spite of my inconsistent good intentions? 

Have you ever felt like your testimony was ruined? Have you ever felt ashamed that you didn’t perform better? 

Years ago, I wanted to take my boys to India. I wanted them to know somewhere other than America, to have a passion for other worlds and other people. I wanted them to experience God's creativity and passion for His complete world, not just our own. 

But the door to India closed. Then we tried Haiti, but it wasn't meant to be either. After two failed attempts, I wondered, " When will it be time? Did I not pursue these opportunities hard enough? Did I miss IT?"

I’m learning how to be the parent of a teenager. Jacob is an amazing young man, but it’s still my job (and Clayton’s) to watch over and protect him. As he becomes his own man, it’s hard not to worry and to wonder what struggles he will encounter. I ask him questions like, “How do you decide what songs you listen to and whether a song is good or bad?”  Then I have to trust that he’s making wise decisions because I am his mom, not the Holy Spirit.  I wonder what thoughts will roam through his mind and I want to help him guard the sacred places in his heart- his thoughts and visions. I want to protect him, but I know I have to teach him how to do this for himself. So I have to teach him to how to listen to God’s voice.

My family is getting ready to lead a mission trip to Guatemala. The packing and excitement makes me remember my first trip to India. 

I am 24 and beyond thrilled to arrive at the orphanage and get to it. I will be hanging out with kids, doing a Bible school, cleaning the entire building, teaching them about hygiene and relieving them of scabies. I can’t wait to DO for God, to prove my love and my devotion to him.

This week’s blog is about taking back our wonder from the UnMagic Kingdom. What is an UnMagic Kingdom? It's a place where we cease to believe God hears us, cares about us, answers our prayers or does miracles anymore. Why do we stop? Because it’s just to darn hard to figure our why He doesn’t do the things we ask if He really does hear us.

I craved the "greener grass" of sin. I wanted their smiles, their popularity, their money, their houses, their cars, their ability to live in sin unhindered. And, dear reader, I didn’t always make the right choices. I have a few regrets, but for the most part, I resisted the "greener grass”. People snickered, slandered and scoffed at my innocence and naivety.

She’s lost in her misery when the word "salvation" trickles from his lips. This Jew, this man who seems to be a prophet, is claiming to be the Messiah. Has he come to rescue her; to make her an insider? Could this be true? She runs to tell “her” people, the ones who made her an outsider. She thinks, "If they believe him, I’ll no longer be an outsider. Maybe he can make me an insider again.”

God doesn’t want you to LACK ANYTHING. Sometimes that means He will teach you to have more faith in what you ask for, and other times, it will mean He says no. Whateverland is the place where we keep our faith in whatever outcome He chooses; whether it be supernatural miracle or self-displined refinement. Both avenues remove the pessimism of Neverland and lead us by faith into Whateverland.